eat shit

Gotta book it.

In books on December 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm

by Mimsy Leguin

When it is as cold as Siberia masquerading as Nebraska outside, all I want to do is sit within the soft confines of my couch and read until my eyes fall out. If you are of the same ilk as I, feast your own eye on these book suggestions that may keep you from going stir-crazies from cabin fever (or at least distract you from hearing your house mate play Angry Bird on his iPhone for the 321898th time).

 

Anna Karenina

So far in my journey with this book some consider to be the Greatest Novel Ever Written, I have encountered: Tumultuous love triangles, intense jealousy, intrigue, extra marital affairs, vodka, kvas, samovars, sex, cougars (that’d be Anna Karenina), fake Christians, brooding rich people, and every other page littered with semi-treatises on agrarian culture. It’s hot, it’s sexy, and it is (at least 438 pages in) a beautiful, well-written account of pre-Marxist, post-Decembrist Russian society. If this doesn’t pique your interest, or keep you engrossed, maybe you’re better off pulling a Kubrickified Jack Torrence (’cause Stephen King’s Torrence smashed himself to death with a croquet mallet) and freezing to death in the middle of a snowy maze (but minus the murderous, family-killing rampage). I’m reading the Maude translation right now, but I hear that the unstoppable Peavear and Volokhonsky duo has a really good one out on Penguin, too.

 

Juliette

In the interest of full disclosure: I never finished this book because I found the super-raunchy orgies that transpired on nearly every page to be incredibly distracting. Juliette chronicles a girl’s adventures as a depraved libertine, and her various lusty escapades (some of which literally involve buggering the clergy). As far as I read, the Mother Superior in this book — a prurient iconoclast with a philosophical bent — does do a wonderful job of elucidating the libertine lifestyle to Juliette as well as debauching her. I have an antique copy of this book that I purchased from a second-hand bookstore; it was translated by someone named Austryn Wainhouse (really? Austryn Wainhouse?). Here, a rather tame sample of what readers will see, should they ever come (hah!) across this translation: “Stay,” said Delbene, “since you’re bent on being depucelated, I’m going to satisfy you straight off.”

Yeah.

 

The Evil Twin

For a delightfully trashy read, turn to no other than this epic Sweet Valley tome (the final in a three-book miniseries). Twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield have a psychopathic murderer in their midst — who looks just like them, and wants to kill them and steal their identity. Awesome. It gives new meaning to the concept of identity theft. Hyuck hyuck. hyuck God, sorry. But, really, if you don’t really want to ponder too deeply on the Hegalian dialectic as it relates to eco-fascism and environmental destruction, or the process of defamiliarization within semiotics in this post-formalist society, you should definitely read this.

 

There are others but these three should keep your body’s imprint on the couch fresh for a while. Happy reading.

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